And there is something I want to remind people about. There are going to be lots of children out trick or treating. And honestly, I'd hate for one of them to see me beat you down.
Why, you might be wondering, would I be threatening the nice people who are just handing out candy to kids? Because every year there are a few ignorant f*cks who require my son to say "Trick or Treat" before making with the fun sized Snickers.
My son has a speech delay, and while most of the time most people mostly understand most of what he says, he has a really hard time speaking to strangers, or in stressful situations. Such as when some idiot is holding a bowl of candy just out of his reach and saying, "what do you say??" Umm, I say make with the candy before I smack your stupid face.
There are few things that actually get me as angry as this insistence on saying "magic words." Heck, I don't even make a fuss when people give my kids Chick Tracts (see previous Halloween post) or campaign literature with their cheap dum-dums. I calmly strip the offending paper off the candy and hand it back to them with a smirk. (Unless its a Halloween chick tract, I'm saving those for an art project). But insist my child says "magic words" to get candy and I will go mama bear on you. And yes, I suppose I could explain to all those people or better yet, make him wear a button, right? WRONG!
There is an unwritten contract on Halloween, you have lights on, kids knock, you give them candy. Period..
As Wil Wheaton says, "Don't be a dick" especially on Halloween..